Transforming Experience: Mulberry Child

By Jian Ping and Lisa Xia

Jian: It feels unreal that our life story will be on PBS nationwide. I still remember how unhappy you were that the crew followed you to the Aon Building the first day you started a new job, not to mention our guerrilla way of filming in China.

Lisa: I thought I was going to get fired if I got arrested in China. Well, considering I was such a reluctant participant anyway, I was pretty on edge.

Jian: I know it’s very un-Chinese to throw our life, especially our conflicts, to the screen. But seeing how viewers relate to our story, I feel it’s definitely worth it. Remember that middle-aged American woman at the Heartland Film Festi­val? She was in tears when she told me she was facing the same problems connecting with her adopted Chinese daughter. She bought a DVD of the film and wanted to watch it with her daughter together at home.

Lisa: I was mortified watching the movie for the first time—I have to tell you, it’s worse for me in front of people that I know, even more so than strangers. I just sit in my chair, feel terribly uncomfortable and just sweat. I came out of the first screening with the distinct belief that people would think that I was a selfish brat with no appreciation. I was desperately relieved when people really felt like they related to my story—as first generation immigrant myself, but also a child growing up in a new culture under first-generation immigrant parents.

Jian: The most gratifying thing for me is how this has all transformed our relationship. You know, I never realized there is such a parallel between my relationship with you and mine with my mother. I had high expectations on you and believed they were for your good. I never put myself in your shoes, growing up in a differ­ent country, different culture.

Lisa: Well, I was American, really. I felt like many of the values you tried to impart didn’t apply to me. Sometimes I would wonder if the life and behavior lessons passed to me were values and principles that would help guide me in this culture—or ones that applied to a dif­ferent context. Other times, I don’t even realize I have a different point of view. Like it’s really hard for me to ask for things. I expect others to offer, for me to refuse, and then reluctantly agree even if I had wanted it to begin with. Or never wanting to say no. I don’t think my peers have this.

Jian: You said once after our film screening at the Gene Siskel Film Center that we used to handle our differences by sweeping them under the rug. That’s so true. I often gave you the silent treatment when I was disappointed at you, but expected you to understand and change.

Lisa: And when I do this, sometimes people will say to me… say what’s on your mind! I can’t read it.

Jian: It’s really at these Q&A sessions that we held together with our audiences at various screenings of the film that I heard your voice without clamming you up or myself. You were addressing questions the audience raised. As the audience heard you, so did I. I assume it was the same to you when I answered their questions. We literally talked to each other under the same roof without direct conversation or confrontation.

Lisa: The cheapest therapy in the world!

Jian: I’m glad the door to communication has opened, despite in a very unique way and we’ve learned to agree to disagree, with respect for each other. Believe me, it’s not an easy step for a Chinese mother. I have the film and our audi­ences to be thankful for and you to be proud of.