When one of her Chinese friends asked her casually, “Which of your sons do you love more?”  Deborah Fallows was stunned to hear that in China, love seemed to be measured out “as some kind of a zero-sum calculation.” It was, she said, “a question so alien that it sent me on a mission to find the true Chinese meaning of  ài, the Mandarin word for love.”

She talked with Julia, who like many Chinese women in their 30s she met, has a husband, a career, a new baby. “Julia figured rightly, that my husband and I had been married for a long time,” Fallows writes, “She said that I must love my husband very much to be married so long. An odd comment, I thought. I wasn’t sure if it was a compliment, or a statement of longing, or an opening for a question back.  'Of course,' I said, and added rather lamely, 'I’m sure you must love your husband a lot, too.' 'Yes,' she said, 'I love him for now.' ”

For now? Was this all about cold convenience? Did her husband suspect she might be here right now confiding in me, someone she barely knew? Or was there something else, some veil across the language between us?

This is one of many conundrums Fallows explores in DREAMING IN CHINESE: Mandarin Lessons in Life, Love, and Language (September 7, 2010; Walker & Company hardcover; ISBN 978-0-8027-7913-7; $22.00; 208 pages), as she discovers and uses the Mandarin language she is learning – a word, a phrase, an oddity of grammar – to open windows into understanding romance, humor, protocol, relationships, and the overflowing humanity of modern China.

Deborah Fallows has lived in Shanghai and Beijing and traveled throughout China for three years with her husband, writer James Fallows. She is a Harvard graduate, has a Ph.D. in linguistics, and is the author of A Mother’s Work. She most recently worked in research and polling for the Pew Internet & American Life Project and in data architecture for Oxygen Media. When in the U.S., she and her husband live in Washington, D.C. They have two sons.

What others say about the book

“You don’t have to know Mandarin to be captivated by Deborah Fallows’s Dreaming in Chinese…. Forget Berlitz – that just teaches words. Deborah Fallows shows us that the cultural implications of those words teach us about each other.”

—Sara Nelson, O: The Oprah Magazine

“While it isn’t necessary to know the language of a foreign country when you live abroad, studying that language can infinitely ease and illuminate your entrée there. Deborah Fallows underscores this lesson again and again in this compelling account of her own trials and triumphs with studying Mandarin while residing in Shanghai and Beijing. A linguist by training, Fallows shows how even small advancements such as mastering a single word or phrase can unlock grammatical and cultural secrets…. Over the course of her three-year immersion, her ever-deepening insights immeasurably enrich her engagement with China—and ours as well.”

—Don George, National Geographic Traveler

“Any traveler who shudders at the prospect of deciphering Chinese should be armed with a copy of this funny, sympathetic, and demystifying survivors’ tale from the frontlines of learning Mandarin. This elegant tour of the language renders Chinese - - and its people -- with humor, tenderness, and depth. If only every language book were this good; it conveys the hidden joys of Chinese, not as a language frozen on a page, but as a world alive in the alleys, kitchens, and mountain towns of the people who created it.”

— Evan Osnos, former Chicago Tribune Beijing bureau chief, and staff writer at The New Yorker

“DREAMING IN CHINESE is a little gem, sparkling with wonderful tales about China, its language and its people.”

— Rob Gifford, NPR Shanghai correspondent, and author of China Road

“Deb Fallows' sparkling memoir of her three years in China makes us feel we are on the streets with her in Shanghai and Beijing--haggling with merchants and cops and learning to be rude and friendly, Chinese-style. The joy of this book is its sense of humor and adventure: Deb decided to live outside the expatriate ghetto: learning the language, drinking the water, living the real Chinese life like a laobaixing (ordinary person).Whether it's learning not to say "please," or understanding why Chinese hate the number "4" or ordering take-away at a Chinese Taco Bell, Deb jumps in head-first and makes us laugh at her often comical embrace of this culture. I can't think of a better book for someone who wants to understand the lovable, infuriating and hilarious country that is China.”

— David Ignatius, columnist for The Washington Post and author of Body of Lies

“China seems an impossible mountain to climb, yet Deborah Fallows takes a less traveled path, climbing the mountain from the inside. She recounts her journey with a perfect balance of wise observation and wit. To follow her climb yields startling insights about the Chinese people and culture, the kind of insights lugubrious China essays rarely yield. "Dreaming in China" is both vital and a joy to read.”

— Ken Auletta, columnist for The New Yorker and author of Googled: The End of the World As We Know It

“In DREAMING IN CHINESE, Deb Fallows, a linguistics scholar and wonderful writer who lived in China for three years, opens up a window onto Chinese urban life through its notoriously difficult language. This charming and insightful book will enhance the understanding and enjoyment of everyone visiting or studying China.”

— Susan Shirk, UC, San Diego professor and author of China: Fragile Superpower

“While all too many books on China try to make sense of this infinitely provocative country from the top down, Deborah Fallows looks at it from the bottom up, trying to figure out what makes the place work through personal encounters, the language and everyday occurrences. She has written a refreshing and insightful book.”

— Orville Schell, director of the Asia Society’s Center on U.S.-China Relations

"DREAMING IN CHINESE is original, entertaining, gracefully written and provides important insights into life and culture in contemporary China. Deborah Fallows is a gifted linguist who helps her readers understand the complexities of the Chinese language.  But she does much more.  She is an astute observer and through simple yet compelling anecdotes she helps her readers experience everyday life in China. This is a terrific book for anyone who wants to improve their understanding of this extraordinary country. "

— Laura D. Tyson, Professor of Global Management, Haas School of Business, University of California at Berkeley

“Deborah Fallows takes you with her on a fascinating journey to China, providing profound insight into Chinese culture through the window of language.  Dreaming in Chinese is an invaluable guide for anyone interested in China -- or in language and culture.”

— Deborah Tannen is professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and author of You Just Don't Understand.