Mila Ruiz Tecala is known nationally and internationally for her pioneering work in counseling persons who have experienced a personal loss. She is the director of the Center for Loss and Grief.

For over 30 years, individuals and families have come to the Center in Washington, D.C., shattered by the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or traumatized by a violent or even catastrophic experience, such as an earthquake, among other things. For more information, visit her website, www.centerforlossandgrief.net.

For over three decades, with her expertise as a private practitioner and consultant and with her empathy, Mila has successfully helped others rebuild their lives. In 1999, the Washingtonian magazine selected her as one of the top psychotherapists in the Metropolitan Washington, D.C. Area.

The National Association of Social Workers (NASW) recognized her as the Chapter Social Worker of the Year (Metropolitan D.C.) in 1999, and the NASW National Social Worker of the Year in 2000.

Mila has that rare combination of academic and counseling skills developed over 30 years of clinical experience in treating patients and families facing terminal illness, death and other losses.

NASW Executive Director Joyce Higashi has known Mila since 1993, when Mila was president of the NASW Metro D.C. Chapter and she was the incoming Executive Director. Mila also served as Chair of the NASW National Clinical Section.

Joyce said Mila “is an accomplished social worker and a delightful human being.” She elaborated in an email interview: “First of all, Mila is fearless. She doesn’t hesitate to step forward and speak out when she is needed to do so. She is quick to respond in disaster situations.”

“In addition to individual and group interventions, she is willing to make public speeches that help to comfort persons who are suffering from disorientation or shock in response to a violent situation or action,” she added. “She shows this same kind of courage and presence of mind in her expert court testimony relative to wrongful death or mental health issues.”

Joyce also described Mila as “an elegant hostess at holiday gatherings and an excellent cook of dishes” from her country of birth, the Philippines. “She is a devoted mother and grandmother, self-motivated and disciplined, passionate and generous, non-complaining and resilient, and spiritually dedicated to a life of service to others,” she concluded.

In her earlier practice, providing counseling to people with terminal illness, Mila used to plant a rose in her garden in loving memory of those who passed away. “She is, indeed, a warm and compassionate person – and a truly great listener,” lawyer Robert Hall said in a telephone interview.

In 2010, he and Mila co-authored “Grief and Loss: Identifying Damages in Wrongful Death Cases.” The book, primarily written for lawyers, aims to help attorneys and mental health professionals better understand their client’s and patient’s needs.

Hall said he first met Mila in the 1980s in a case involving a family who lost a 17-year-old daughter. “Since then, she has taught me so much about her profession, and I’ve taught her as well about my profession, so we decided to write a book,” he added.

Mila said in an interview, conducted over the phone and in emails, that she is planning to write a book for the general public. After the Storm, Look for the Rainbow – (Sayings and Quotations that Heal.) is the working title, but she noted it could change. “My goal is to reach out to as many people as possible, and to help them during these tough times.”

Mila was founder/volunteer of “Give an Hour” services to returning soldiers suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). “She was also one of the first social workers to hold a chat room for colleagues to discuss issues in therapy,” noted Joyce of NASW.

She said Mila is an excellent speaker. “She’s a favorite in our chapter for over 10 years, someone who has made clinical presentations in many of the states to professionals, as well as many others to citizen and patient groups. Mila’s presentations reflect her deep respect for her clients and the struggles they seek to overcome. We are very proud of her!”

Background

Mila Ruiz Tecala earned a B.A. in Psychology/Sociology at the University of Michigan, and her Master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan’s School of Social Work in 1966.

She is a licensed clinical social worker in the District of Columbia and Virginia. She once served as Clinical Director for the St. Francis Institute (now the Wendt Loss Counseling Center) and was Clinical Instructor at Georgetown University Medical School. As a consultant, she served as senior advisor to the United States Peace Corps in the Philippines, Thailand, Togo, Ecuador, Honduras and Paraguay.

She was also consultant to the nationally televised documentary film “Joan Robinson: One Woman’s Story.” She served as consultant to the Philippine government following the 1990 earthquake, training mental health professionals on disaster intervention.

She has lectured extensively around the U.S. and abroad. She has appeared on radio and TV programs. She served as a consultant to the Health and Human Services Publication: The Breast Cancer Digest and Coping with Cancer. She has written articles published in professional literature. She is also on the Editorial Advisory Board of Social Work Today magazine.

Q & A

What would you advise a grieving family on how to cope with their loss?

It is tough dealing with the sudden loss of a loved one. The bereaved are not given preparation for the loss, and they are also not given time to say goodbye. Usually, it takes about three months when the pain and the suffering really hit the family members. That’s the time they really need the support of each other, and also their friends.

They need to talk about their loss, and talk about their loved one. It would help for them to understand the cycle of grief: shock and numbness, anger at being left behind, helplessness, depression, accommodation and acceptance. Grief is circular, rather than linear.

What can friends do to help the grieving family members? There’s really nothing one can do or say to assuage their grief. The greatest gift one can give is to have a listening ear. Let them talk about their loss, let them talk about their loved one. Friends can also provide a memorial in his name, something tangible and concrete, celebrating the person’s work, or hobby.